Would you like to know what all of the fuss is about?

Operation Bombshell was supposed to go live in the middle of August, it was going to be a series of blog posts documenting my rise from a near failure so here’s the story just for you.

For the last two months I have fallen into a stress induced relapse which has almost ripped my mind into tatters; I haven’t trained in almost two months, I have over eaten and under eaten to the point of pure hatred of myself, I have drank deeply and smoked until I have been sick. As a result of my total loss of self respect and motivation I have gained a significant amount of weight for my body, I have lost all of my muscle tone, I am no longer strong and healthy and my very private battle with anxiety has almost taken complete control of my mind. Your body rebels like a fish to sand when you abuse it.

I recognised my warning patterns early on so I took my own advice and set myself a plan; I was due to move to a new area and start completely fresh, I was going to regain control of myself and chase the butterflies in my mind that had been caged by my inner demons. 

Operation Bombshell was going to be a way of sharing my journey out from underneath a self made avalanche in the hope to inspire.

Franky, why are you speaking in past tense?

I was at the very end of my tether, the end was in sight and it was only a matter of days before I was due to start again. I was so excited and could barely contain myself, everything was booked and paid for, I had a great job earning more than enough money, the flat was perfect and just the right size for me, I had the meal plan set, a few gyms to look at and I had even bought myself a fancy set of towels.

Then everything came crashing down in a glorious display of humiliation which saw me say goodbye to the job, goodbye to the flat, goodbye new gym and the fancy towels have to stay in their box.

I cried in my boyfriends arms like a child and he held me until I ran out of tears, I felt like I had lost everything at that point, I had no idea who I was anymore and I felt utterly broken.

Now, a few days later, I’ve had the time to recover and reflect which has enabled me to find a few silver linings to my ruin;

• I still have my life
• Everything that has happened has been a product of my actions therefore it is within my control
• I still have clean running water, a roof over my head and the privilege of my lifestyle.
• I have people in my life who love me, there is no hate in my life.
• I have delayed my move date therefore I may be able to live my mini dream
• I have the privilege of the education needed to fix my problems

I have spent far too many years crying over things that I don’t have, I have never really considered the millions of people out there who are struggling with just a fraction of what I do have. This is the product of privilege; we take it for granted and cry when we get hit a few times, it sickens me.

Operation Bombshell will be exactly as described and more; an honest documentation of my mental and physical struggle to become the bombshell I’ve always wanted to be and a true reflection of my appreciation of life. All in the hope that at least one person will see that the fight is worth it, the struggle is worth it and that they can all do it too.

We can all rise from our ashes no matter how hopeless it may seem, no matter how broken you feel, no matter how much your confidence has been shattered and set on fire. I can do this and so can you.

Are you with me?

♥